Heather Burnside

Heather Burnside

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DEBATE: Is Laffy Taffy A "Candy Bar"?

Heather's Take

My colleague Caleb as a gift of the written word, and is also very, very passionate about his take that Laffy Taffy is a candy bar. I'm not as emotionally invested in this debate, but I feel certain I'll sway you in fewer words.

Have you ever said, "Hand me a Kleenex"? Kleenex is a brand name for a disposable tissue, yet everyone knows what you're talking about and will hand you a tissue, even though it might be made by Puffs or Scotties. I say "I need some Q Tips", even thought that, too, is a brand name for a cotton swab. In certain areas of the country if you order a Coke, that means soda or pop, as we say in the Midwest. In other words, some words and phrases have gained a universal meaning for something, and we're all on the same page what that something is.

Hence, if I'm thinking about having a candy bar, I want a bar, covered in chocolate, with any amount of things inside said chocolate. The "chocolate" can be dark, milk chocolate, or white. I just know that for me, if I say "I want a candy bar" and someone handed me Laffy Taffy, that's not going to do it for me. If I'd wanted Laffy Taffy I'd ask for taffy, in any form. The freshly made, balled into individual bites like they do at the fair, or pressed into bar,s like Laffy Taffy.

Just don't hand me taffy and tell me it's a candy bar!

Caleb's Take

What is the meaning of life? Are humans alone? How does Sean Roberts maintain his perfect fade? Are Heather Burnside’s garage parties really just money laundering schemes for her illegal lacrosse league empire? These are all questions that the common man asks themselves every day. But above all of these are a question that stumps even the greatest of philosophers and most intelligent of psychologists. Is Laffy Taffy… a candy bar? 

To start, we need to take a look back at the origin of Laffy Taffy and the conception of this mind boggling query. It all started in the 70’s when Beich’s Candy Company created the first rendition of Laffy Taffy. It was a thin strip of caramel that slowly evolved into the fruity, unholy combination of preservatives and tacky gum like substances. Little did Beich’s Candy Company know that their creation would spark a debate that this country hasn’t seen in decades. An important takeaway from this information is that Laffy Taffy was originally intended to be caramel flavored, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that most traditional chocolate candy bars today have caramel within the contents of the bar, yet they are still considered candy bars without contention. 

When you take a look at the dictionary you get some differing definitions of the word Candy Bar. Collins Dictionary defines “Candy Bar” as a long, thin, sweet food, USUALLY covered in chocolate. I would like to put heavy, heavy emphasis on the word “usually.” With that being said, let’s move on to a more reputable dictionary, that being the esteemed Cambridge Dictionary. Their definition of “Candy Bar” states, candy shaped like a thin brick. With no mention of chocolate whatsoever, it seems as if the case is closed on the Laffy Taffy v Candy Bar debate. But let’s give the devil its due and break down the most common debate against Laffy Taffy and it being affiliated as a candy bar. 

Laffy Taffy is not chocolate. This is a great argument and seems to shut up any defenders of Laffy Taffy being a candy bar. Well, if you want to use that argument, make sure and do your due diligence. For example, do we truly know whether chocolate ITSELF is a candy? No, most people don’t know the answer to that question because chocolate is in fact, NOT A CANDY. Candy is defined as a confection that consists of sugar. Legitimate chocolate does not consist of any sugar at all and consists of chocolate liquor and cocoa powder. “But Caleb, most chocolates consist of sugar, which in turn makes it a candy.” My rebuttal is that most Laffy Taffy consists of sugar which in turn also makes it a candy. So what exactly is your argument then for saying that Laffy Taffy cannot be a candy bar? 

At the end of the day, I said that Laffy Taffy is a candy bar and that is evidence enough for my claim. If you would like to argue further then please send me an email at calebc9298@outlook.com and we can continue our conversation there. With that being said, the gavel drops and the case is closed. Laffy Taffy is definitely… a candy bar. 

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Photo: Getty Images

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